Off In The Trenches

Lately I have been off back in that life just short of the drug’s. I have been drinking here and there nothing constantly though. It’s beginning to weigh on me that I truly don’t know myself besides the fact I do a lot of messed up things. I’ve recently hit 18, and I’ll tell you, you can’t get a good job with drug’s in your system. Very few care if you fuck multiple women every week though. I find the more I try to grow up the more I start to progress into the bad things faster and faster. As if to go head first in to the things of this world accepting it as it’s all I can get. Knowing that there are certain rules that you have to follow in life to make it to heaven. Now I won’t go all Jesus freak on you, but I do believe in an all-powerful God that loves us, and punishes us. In that I do feel there are certain things you must do and I feel more allowing the further I stray away. It’s sad really I don’t know how explain it, but I can say that I feel as if I’m off in the trenches. By in the trenches I mean like waging war on my soul, body, and the world. It’s tough where I’m at. You have to be strong to survive, and well if you’re not you don’t survive. You can just hit restart in life, you don’t get a do over, and every move you make needs to be the best you can make. A bad split second decision can stick with you for life. I’ve been making subpar decisions in my life, and I have to start makings up for them now.

Truth Be Told

Those who are close to me are typically the ones that hurt me the most. I tend to push those who are close away from me to keep from getting hurt. I didn’t expect the people who didn’t know me to not hurt me. I felt as if they don’t matter to me as much. You on the other hand matter a lot, but then you hurt me. I didn’t learn how to forget or forgive. The difference now is very little depending on how you see it. I’m more likely to just simply remove you from my life now if I feel that you crossed the line. I aint got the time to proceed with the back and forth anymore…

Conflicting Interest

Sosa here got a problem id never thought I’d consider a problem. I’m kinda involved with two females both are amazing. One isn’t as pretty, but she is wanting to be more emotional. the other is really hot, but more emotionally distant. It’s a really difficult to keep up with it, and I’m gonna have to close the curtain on one. Things will play out the way they are supposed to though I can’t change my destiny.

Sosa’s mind

You think you know Sosa but you don’t. Always looking like he’s on edge. Like he is always ready to attack. Like he just wants be mad. He’s really a depressive image, because of the things he’s been through. If he would have been treating others the way he wanted to he would have been loving and kind. The anger inside from all the hurt caused him to turn cold and at the age of 15 had 2 felonies and 2 misdemeanors. With numerous other times in a life filled crime. It was all about drug and what girl he could trick out her clothes next. He tried to change and give all to the Lord. As he would walk away from the altar he would pick it back up. Like Lord Jesus Christ I know you forgive me but I can forgive myself. I feel like I couldn’t accept your grace when you’ve given simple rules and in one ear and out the other. Knowing that I disobey makes me self hate because I feel like I’m spitting in your face. Then I try to make excuses like you knew no one can get it right. Just because Jesus came to fulfill the law doesn’t that mean well I can break it? He was the lamb that gives that option of getting into heaven. He forgives for everything and the Lord don’t lie but does that give us the right to do the opposite of all he said? This mind is in its self a hell that it isn’t transforming to a holier mind frame. I wouldnt trade shoes your feet would hurt, but tell you what here’s my glasses take a look.

Sosa Back

Sosa is back been caught up with work and such for a bit. Been exploring and experiencing different things in life. Got a couple post I’m starting to work on coming yalls way. Just wanted to do this update to say I’m back :).

So you wanna end it huh?

Wanna end life well alright. But before you do answer me a couple questions. who will remember you? Ok for what a family member, good friend, good student, ect? Idk about you that sounds dull ass shit to me. It will take longer to eat at the service than it will to actually go through with it. I think you could do better than that to be honest. Maybe the one who saved lives, the one who gave to the needy, the onE who lived life to the fullest, or maybe the one who was always there for anyone who needed it. Still wanna do well then. What happened to those dream when you were little? The ones society told u you couldn’t do? Why not apply this mindset to that? What do you have to lose? Don’t use that excuse you didn’t use that a second ago when you started talking crazy. you didn’t feel like you had a strong enough reason to not to do it. Why not take that mindset towards your dreams then?

White Privilege 

Im getting tired of hearing this horse crap. White privilege is an excuse to why you’re not doing well in life. It couldn’t be the fact that u aren’t giving it ur all trying to find a job or at least side work. My dads white over 100 criminal allegations on record with 30 felony convictions. Can’t get a job working at goodwill as the door greeter where they hire mentally retarded folks. Guess what he went and did hard labor long enough to get money to get some shirts made. He sold em and he will be opening a non profit organization for it. Slowly but surely it will be big one day. He tried to pull his white privilege card at goodwill it didn’t work. 😂Now let’s get to the fun part. Obama, Michael Jordan, Michael Jackson and the rest of the 5, Al Green, Bill Withers, Luther Vandross, R Kelly, ludacris, lil Wayne, Kanye, project pat, biggie, pac, nas, eazy e, Kobe, lebron, AP, Michael Vick, Cam, tiger woods, jessi Jackson, Cuba Gooding Jr., eddy griffin, the late great Bernie Mac, eddy Murphy, that midget from Friday and bad Santa, Chris tucker, that one guy from Friday and the green mile, debo, deon sanders, and many many more. Which one of them made excuses none. Pick up your nut and get to working. 

Pain or Paradise 

They say I change up,Admittedly I did,

Don’t get twisted,

I’m still The Kid,

But I had to get my mind, heart, and soul right,

Decided that I was gonna turn to Jesus Christ,

I believe through him I’ll have ever lasting life,

Atheists try to bash it and tell me I’m not right,

I say cool but tell me what have I lost if I’m wrong and you’re right,

Nothing because I lived good and honest till it was good night,

But on the flip side if you’re wrong and I’m right,

Well I shall have ever lasting life, because my decision to follow Christ,

Hell is as real heaven,

So tell me you’re sure enough to bet there will be no afterlife,

Except with this u don’t pay with material things and money,

You pay with the ultimate price,

Just admitting and believing is the difference between torturous pain and paradise

-xoSOSAxo