They say my poetry is talented,But me I think it’s talentless,
Because it can be a hit or miss,
Scared of being good for the season,
Then tossed aside with no rhyme or reason,
Feeling like some fans committed treason,
It does help me find a bit of relief though,
When I zone out and start to write and it just flows,
Putting my heart inside every line,
Just trying to pass the time,
Trying to lay out the realest stuff for y’all to see,
When in all actuality you’re just seeing my reality,
-xoSOSAxo
Lonely when alone at night,Use to being lonely so it’s alright,
But being alone makes me terrified,
Fear of it give me restless times,
In an evil mind,
Leaves me stuck wanting to hit rewind,
But just don’t have that ability,
It’s slowly killing me
You won’t be able to see
Cause that I’ll never show
This is the only way you’ll ever know
So pay attention and I’ll try to take is slow,
Just add my poems all together and try to read between the lines,
Maybe then will you truly see inside my mind,
Real life is to depressin,Struggles I’m facin got me stressin,
Felt like she was a blessin,
Now it seems she was nothing more than a lesson,
Really wanted it to work out,
But it feels like too many kinks to work out,
They told me ride the wave,
But it turned to a tsunami,
Had feel so confused and distracted,
Makes me wanna grab the glock,
Letting off a 100 shots,
Talking all that shit but they don’t wanna pop off,
Knowing if I get that mood a nigga would get hauled off,
I’m jumping off the deep end,
Might just disappear for eternity,
Niggas make me feel like I ain’t earn my keep,
Lotta favors on both ends,
Make me feel like it’s coming to a closing,
The end,
Family Fallin out over money and women,
I thought it was supposed to be blood over bitches,
But that’s not how it’s turnin out,
I guess she got u turned out,
I’ll make it with the help of God,
He will hold me down when everyone else is acting fraud,
Cause everyone does at one time or another,
Even though some more than others,
Fake friends round my way keep em all at arms length,
But I have to give my all then borrow some of Gods strength,
Because I feel exhausted,
It’s exhausting,
Walk a couple miles in my shoes,
Even if they fit bet u can’t take more than a few steps,
My life has been a movie,
One of those gangster types,
Lots of pain an anguish,
Trying to be holy but knowin I’m tainted,
Feeling like I’m to far gone to truly make a comeback,
Got me ready to attack if you step on my toes,
U wouldn’t get my life,
It’s been a different type,
Bits and pieces may sink in,
But as a collective whole,
U couldn’t even gather up half the toll,
That had to be paid,
Take slight comfort In the fact Jesus can understand because on the cross he took on my sin,
I don’t even know where to begin with that,
It’s amazing and only justifiable by the fact that he loves me,
But I still feel like I’m alone,
That’s me under attack by the devil,
He’s mad that I switched sides that the truth,
And when I preach to you its to me too,
Trying to find a method to cope,
That isn’t hoes, or dope,
Trying to be holy isn’t as easy as being a gangster,
But I’d like to thank you for all the bad looks,
When I came through making folks shook,
Or shake their heads in disapproval,
You can’t have a wrong without a right,
Or a right without a wrong,
Trying to hold on,
Being strong isn’t something to do for fun,
It’s something for survival,
Survival of the fittest in all aspects,
To gain respect of men through foolish things was a goal,
But that whole acting dumb got old,
I’m thinking about throwing it all away to go to rehab. My insurance will pay it I’m a drug addict but not for anything else. No body said dealing with things the right way was gonna be easy. I’m a very bold and blunt person. I’m the person that you look at, and ask yourself did he really just say that. With that being said unless there is some drugs or alcohol involved my social skills are trash. I’m on edge in social settings which I’m not comfortable, and fall back on being the aggressor or the one that’s gone to the moon because I’m so far gone in the drugs or alcohol. It’s beginning to feel like they take my kindness for weakness like I won’t wait till I catch em slipping. Punch em in the side of the neck and choke em till they ain’t responding. 2 time convicted felon dumb shit get at me yurd. Been in the mix, but they don’t know that. I have to forgive them but it’s really just getting hard to not give someone a 2 piece and a biscuit. We shall see how it goes.
I feel like any girl girl I’m with will wake up one day and leave. Like these girls think I’m something special, because I’m sweet, caring, loving, and a good listener. Like there are tons of other guys out there like that most of em look better and make way more money than I do. It’s hard trying to keep things working and normal. It’s just never gonna work for me till I work away my insecurities which will be never. #ForeverAlone
So last night I was on skype with someone last night. She was trying to convince me she was a virgin. I personally don’t believe anyone over 16 is a virgin it’s 2016. She then stated “do I have to show you for you to believe me?” I was like “eh it doesn’t matter it doesn’t prove shit.” Then she says “you will think I’m a hoe if I show you. ” I was like “do u know of the 300 Spartans?” She said yes. I was like “that’s the ratio of girls who haven’t as the 300 vs the legions of Persians who have.” I don’t know why it was so funny it just was.
See for the past 5 years I’ve been into any and everything that was of this world. Only a few bad people, place, or thing I didn’t like. Sex, greed, lust, drugs, alcohol, fighting, arguing, and many more. I’m addicted to the struggle, and the pain. For me it’s a vicious cycle that is on repeat. I need someone to hold my hand in it all, and walk me through the right things. I’m not use to having to do things the right way. Understandably my higher power Jesus Christ will but I feel the need of someone who does the same thing. Like read the bible with someone everyday. Stuff like that someone who even if we only read a couple verses of scripture a day. It’s gonna be really difficult on this road having to lose it all to gain it all but I can’t keep running from God.
I’m tired of this situation it’s driving me nuts. Like I want to get to the roots of my problems to hopefully solve them. That takes time and I’m becoming more built up inside. At little things ready to say fuck it and ride on em. I’m one of the last playing by rules that very few still play by. Trying to keep it together what little I have left and I know I have to leave it all behind before I can progress. I’m horribly terrified because I feel like I will be forgotten and I’ll really be nothing and have no meaning. Others have came into my position because it was the last straw to save what they had. I came and it was no where near my last straw. I’m so scared of doing thing the right way. I haven’t done things the right way. Grant it others have had way more time in what ever cycle they were in but that doesn’t mean my struggles aren’t still horribly hard for me to change. I want relief but I’m scared to get it I don’t know how it will feel to be on the good side. Its horribly hard man fuck. Im just getting tired of the struggles I deal with now.
She got pretty face,Does everything she can to make her appearance great,
Hoping maybe one day she’ll catch a break,
That one of em will truly love her,
Not just be one of the others,
That fucked and disappeared,
Leaving her hurt, and wondering why he wasn’t here,
Just another victim to the game,
But who’s to blame,
When we only know what we’re taught,
And it’s hard to break free from these mighty chains,
Knowing some will never change,
Always the same,
But he said he was different,
And indeed he was,
Because he showed her kindness compassion and love,
Built her up,
Only to tear her down when he walked out,
No arguing no scream and shout,
Only doubt,
That she could be love able,
So she pushes people away to keep from trouble,
Her own world her very own bubble,
The devil is constantly tempting me in all that I do. It seems the more I try to drawl closer to God the further I am away from it. Understandably I don’t expect to be sin free, or to be able to resist every urge. Its just the struggle is real. Lust would have to be my biggest struggle. I love an attractive woman more than almost anything. Me I’m a 5/10 looks but the things I say and the way I say it is something fierce. What makes it worse is I’ve got a very very very attractive female I could have sex with when I want to. It’s a very difficult thing to deal with. Some people have no conviction about sex before marriage. I use to not I just seen it as sex but after being saved and baptized a few months ago it feels different now. Its something I’ll have to pray about.
xoSOSAxo 