Off In The Trenches

Lately I have been off back in that life just short of the drug’s. I have been drinking here and there nothing constantly though. It’s beginning to weigh on me that I truly don’t know myself besides the fact I do a lot of messed up things. I’ve recently hit 18, and I’ll tell you, you can’t get a good job with drug’s in your system. Very few care if you fuck multiple women every week though. I find the more I try to grow up the more I start to progress into the bad things faster and faster. As if to go head first in to the things of this world accepting it as it’s all I can get. Knowing that there are certain rules that you have to follow in life to make it to heaven. Now I won’t go all Jesus freak on you, but I do believe in an all-powerful God that loves us, and punishes us. In that I do feel there are certain things you must do and I feel more allowing the further I stray away. It’s sad really I don’t know how explain it, but I can say that I feel as if I’m off in the trenches. By in the trenches I mean like waging war on my soul, body, and the world. It’s tough where I’m at. You have to be strong to survive, and well if you’re not you don’t survive. You can just hit restart in life, you don’t get a do over, and every move you make needs to be the best you can make. A bad split second decision can stick with you for life. I’ve been making subpar decisions in my life, and I have to start makings up for them now.

Struggles of lust

The devil is constantly tempting me in all that I do. It seems the more I try to drawl closer to God the further I am away from it. Understandably I don’t expect to be sin free, or to be able to resist every urge. Its just the struggle is real. Lust would have to be my biggest struggle. I love an attractive woman more than almost anything. Me I’m a 5/10 looks but the things I say and the way I say it is something fierce. What makes it worse is I’ve got a very very very attractive female I could have sex with when I want to. It’s a very difficult thing to deal with. Some people have no conviction about sex before marriage. I use to not I just seen it as sex but after being saved and baptized a few months ago it feels different now. Its something I’ll have to pray about.