Lately I have been off back in that life just short of the drug’s. I have been drinking here and there nothing constantly though. It’s beginning to weigh on me that I truly don’t know myself besides the fact I do a lot of messed up things. I’ve recently hit 18, and I’ll tell you, you can’t get a good job with drug’s in your system. Very few care if you fuck multiple women every week though. I find the more I try to grow up the more I start to progress into the bad things faster and faster. As if to go head first in to the things of this world accepting it as it’s all I can get. Knowing that there are certain rules that you have to follow in life to make it to heaven. Now I won’t go all Jesus freak on you, but I do believe in an all-powerful God that loves us, and punishes us. In that I do feel there are certain things you must do and I feel more allowing the further I stray away. It’s sad really I don’t know how explain it, but I can say that I feel as if I’m off in the trenches. By in the trenches I mean like waging war on my soul, body, and the world. It’s tough where I’m at. You have to be strong to survive, and well if you’re not you don’t survive. You can just hit restart in life, you don’t get a do over, and every move you make needs to be the best you can make. A bad split second decision can stick with you for life. I’ve been making subpar decisions in my life, and I have to start makings up for them now.
Tag: much
Truth Be Told
Those who are close to me are typically the ones that hurt me the most. I tend to push those who are close away from me to keep from getting hurt. I didn’t expect the people who didn’t know me to not hurt me. I felt as if they don’t matter to me as much. You on the other hand matter a lot, but then you hurt me. I didn’t learn how to forget or forgive. The difference now is very little depending on how you see it. I’m more likely to just simply remove you from my life now if I feel that you crossed the line. I aint got the time to proceed with the back and forth anymore…
Starting the gym
Went to the gym by my house today, and got signed up. No I didn’t start out pumping weights. I decided to do some cardio. Figured I like to walk places anyways why not get on the tread mill and walk. Plus all I had was a banana water and I think some imitation crab meat for breakfast. It started on no incline and .5 mph. That just wasn’t working for me so I decided to bump it up to 3 incline and 2.5 mph. Did that for a maybe 5 minutes and bumped it up to 3 mph. Finished off with that as I hit one mile. It took 21 minutes to get 1 mile. Weak I know but I wanna work my way up. Plus i had to walk a mile home so give me a break. Did the step climber pretty intensely for me at 10-15 resistance maybe more it was a haze for about 10 minutes. Mainly because even when the treadmill stopped I felt like my body was still moving forward. Little disoriented don’t know if that’s typically or what, but that’s how I felt. After the step climber I went to the store right by the gym. I was getting dehydrated. Bought a Voss water the big one, and a cliff gel pack raspberry. Went back to gym got on this machine that was like the spin machine, but it was like a further back one. Did that for 20 minutes at first it was 15 resistance. I knew I wasn’t gonna make that for 20 so I dropped it to 11. At 11 completed 10-11 minute then decided to switch it up. I set it to hills and you go harder and harder. Then an easy one and works back up to alternating levels you get the drill. I cleared 5 miles on that in 21 minutes btw. Then got on the treadmill again and did like .5 of a mile this time hit 4mph to jog did that for a minute because im that out of shaped. Then walked to the store grabbed a vitamin water xxx and walked my mile home at about 1.25-1.5 miles per hour. Then fixed me a turkey burger with rice, and then took a shower.
Stay blessed in all you do.
xoSOSAxo 